


the beginner’s (and botanically challenged) guide to intergalactic gardening

by estelares



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Gardening, M/M, Romance, Romantic Comedy, movie canon without the narrative i guess, obviously, spock's life is a joke and i love it, they're going to get together in the end i promise, this is going to be really long i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-31
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-25 04:53:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelares/pseuds/estelares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His Splendid Highness, King and Most Benevolent Ruler of The Seven Planets And One Moon of Atalies, considers himself to be in possession of a 'green thumb' – as Jim describes it – and wishes to have an entire planet turned into what would effectively be a greenhouse containing hundreds of carefully monitored and maintained microclimates to sustain His Highness’s favourite plants. </p><p>Only the most experienced and qualified Starfleet Science Officers need apply. If they do not wish to apply, forcible enlistment is also acceptable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the beginner’s (and botanically challenged) guide to intergalactic gardening

Without looking up from his PADD, Admiral Pike raises a hand as soon as the door to his office slides open – a pre-emptive strike – and prepares himself for half an hour (at least) of futile arguing.

‘Spock, before you say this is illogical, and stupid, and that you have better things to do with your life – ’

Because arguing with a Vulcan when their mind is set on doing the exact opposite of what you want them to is kind of really unpleasant, like trying to make out with a Klingon. So he’s heard. Not that he’s tried.

Spock closes his mouth with an audible click, the tension in his jaw giving away exactly just how displeased he is with the current situation. Pike finds himself on the receiving end of the half-Vulcan version of a tight-lipped death glare, and mentally shrugs because hey, he’s had worse.

‘Yeah, sorry I have to do this to you, but you are the best of the best and this guy will accept no other.’

Pike thinks it’s a dumb thing to do as well – and he doesn’t know anything about plants or science, mind you – but Atalies is extraordinarily rich in very expensive minerals that are vital for medical research and are scarcely found anywhere else so far explored, and the King has offered the Federation not only unlimited access but also full co-operation in military operations and settlement projects. It goes without saying that the Federation is quite interested in upholding their end of the proposed offer. 

‘Sir, with no disrespect, you are aware that not only is this man an imbecile, but this _project_ is one of the most futile and illogical ideas I have ever encountered in my lifetime, and I am sure all other leading botanists, biologists and physicists will agree with me.’

He hasn’t seen Spock this worked up in a while. Vulcans don’t call people imbeciles willy-nilly.

‘I will never understand the propensity of humans to agree to such ill-advised requests that will waste an unprecedented amount of resources, money and time, no matter what will be gained in exchange. Self-indulgent megalomaniacs should not be allowed to act on a whim, and it ought to be against protocol –’

His human eyes are wide in indignation and Pike would be concerned if he didn’t know that Spock will not disobey an order, and that he’s going to go because he places paramount importance in rules even though he’s going to spend ages telling Pike why he’s a numbskull in the polite Vulcan way that he does and Pike gets it, he does, but he lets Spock vent (because he is venting, in a repressed Vulcan way) because he likes the guy. And he feels sorry for him, because the mission, as far as missions go, does kind of suck, and soul destroying, seeing how much Spock hates idiots. 

Pike waits for Spock to finish reiterating why he would be much more useful stationed elsewhere, doing something actually _productive_ and not stuck with some idiot who thinks he can terraform just because he feels like it, and slides the PADD on his table towards Spock.

‘Here is the debrief. I wanted to give it to you myself, because I think anybody else would have been disintegrated under your very impressive glare of disapproval upon receiving the command.’

He notices with mild amusement that Spock does not disagree. 

‘Any questions?’

‘None yet, _sir_ ,’ Spock says shortly.

Pike gives him a bit of a sympathetic grimace. _Please don’t come and kill me in my sleep_ , he thinks. ‘The King’s personal advisor will meet you for a consultation in a few days. Good luck. Please behave.’

‘Noted,’ Spock replies darkly, as he takes the PADD without glancing down and positively stalks off out of Pike’s office.

 

 

\--

 

 

The Atalies advisor is a human.

Spock is not surprised in the very least.

He had spent the few days leading up to this consultation meeting extensively researching and recording every possible way this ‘greenhouse planet project’ could fail, in great detail. The mechanisms, technology and resources required to accommodate so many different kinds of organisms and ecosystems that the organisms need to survive on their own, the amount of manpower needed and the time that this will take, not to mention the sheer unfeasibility of the very notion – he compiles all of it in preparation of the meeting, convinced that something so daunting and high-risk is surely going to deter even the most foolhardy. 

 ‘Hey! Nice to meet you,’ Jim Kirk, as his name tag tells Spock, exudes friendliness. Spock returns the greeting and extends his hand, in accordance with the normal human habit of shaking hands when meeting new people.

‘Thanks for doing this, by the way. Oh!’ Jim waves his own hand dismissively when he sees Spock's proffered hand. ‘No, you don’t have to, I know Vulcans aren’t tactile people,’ he says with a grin as he sits himself down on the nearest chair and gestures for Spock to start the consultation session.

 _James Tiberius Kirk,_ the profile on Spock’s PADD reads. A human who knows about Vulcan culture. Interesting. 

Spock files this away for future examination.

As it has been proven that humans are statistically more likely to be deterred from a plan at its initial stages if met with an onslaught of incomprehensible data relating to why said plan is not practicable, Spock takes it upon himself to slowly and extremely deliberately – point by point, as painfully as he can with hand-drawn diagrams and graphs and tables – tell Kirk just exactly why this is unfeasible and impractical in all senses. If the advisor is not convinced of the low odds this project has in succeeding, then perhaps he will at least be so disenchanted with Spock that he will decide to choose another Science Officer to replace him on this mission.

Kirk looks on at his presentation with his head at a slight tilt, an interested, attentive expression on his face. He does not appear to be alarmed in the slightest. 

‘But theoretically, it could work?’ He asks when Spock finishes speaking, pausing from typing notes down in his PADD. Spock couldn't believe he was actually taking notes.

Spock begins to feel a hint of annoyance that his deterrence tactics do not seem to be taking effect. Despite this, he can't help but notice that Kirk's eyes are very, very blue.

‘Only in theory, yes, but there are a number of things that would work in theory but not in practice, and I once again stress the low odds of- ’

Kirk laughs. It was a musical sound, an exhalation of breath that crinkled the corners of his unusually blue eyes. 'But. If we could gather all the resources that you had listed, if everything goes to plan and no natural disaster happens and we make sure everything's been calculated, do you agree that this will work?'

His expectant look pins Spock where he stands.

'Do you not think it ridiculous?' Spock asks as a way of avoiding the question. 'One person should not be allowed such power to do as he wishes, especially with a project so meaningless and exorbitant.'

He was met with a shrug. 'What makes you think it's meaningless?' Kirk replies lightly. 'This might be a botanical breakthrough, and if we can learn to cultivate radically different lifeforms in such close quarters with each other, surely that'll go towards helping species on the verge of extinction somewhere in the galaxy. Besides,' he raises an eyebrow, 'you're deflecting.'

It is a shame that Vulcans cannot lie. 

'Yes,' Spock admits reluctantly.

Apparently this was all the confirmation that Kirk needed. He stands up and flashes a bright smile. ‘Awesome! I’m impressed, Mister Spock. You’ve done your research. I’ll be in contact soon, yes? I look forward to working with you.’

Vulcans are never surprised, but something about Jim does seem to catch him offguard. Fascinating.

Spock stares after Jim Kirk’s retreating figure.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is a half-baked thing i thought of while watching some movie on a plane. 
> 
> in hindsight it sounds stupid, like, i don't even know if this is a good idea BUT I REALLY LIKE FICS THAT ARE LIKE THIS SO IM GOING TO GIVE IT A GO
> 
> pls tell me if it's interesting so far, this is a huge experiment and i will love any kind of feedback! i usually don't write really long things!


End file.
